The Subtle Ways We Make Fostering Harder (Without Realizing It)
- Jacquelyn Adams
- Apr 26
- 3 min read
When fostering feels harder than expected, most people assume it’s because:
The dog has a difficult background
They’re not adjusting quickly
Or they just need more time
And sometimes that’s true.
But there’s another layer that’s easy to miss— The small, human habits we bring into fostering… that unintentionally make it harder for dogs to settle.
It’s Not About Effort—It’s About Translation
When I first started fostering, I thought the key was doing more.
More reassurance.More interaction.More affection.
If a dog seemed unsure, I leaned in.
If they hesitated, I encouraged.
If they didn’t respond, I tried to help them understand.
But over time, I started to notice something:
The more I “tried,” the more some dogs seemed to pull back.
Not dramatically.Just subtly.
A step away.A pause.A hesitation.
And it made me realize— It wasn’t a lack of effort. It was a mismatch in communication.
We’re Speaking Human. They’re Not.
As humans, we’re wired to connect in very specific ways.
We:
Walk directly toward someone to show confidence
Make eye contact to build trust
Use words to explain what we mean
Show affection through touch
Dogs don’t interpret those things the same way.
In fact, many of those behaviors can feel:
Intense
Confusing
Or even a little overwhelming
This concept is explored in The Other End of the Leash by Patricia McConnell—and once you start noticing it, it’s hard to ignore.
What I Started Doing Differently
The shift wasn’t dramatic.
It was subtle.
Instead of trying to “fix” how a dog was responding, I started adjusting how I was showing up.
Giving more space instead of closing distance
Letting quiet moments exist instead of filling them
Allowing the dog to initiate interaction
Being more aware of my posture, tone, and energy
And what surprised me most was how quickly dogs responded.
Not because I was doing more— But because I was creating less pressure.
Where This Shows Up the Most
It often looks like small, everyday moments:
Reaching to pet a dog before they’re ready
Standing directly over them without realizing it
Talking constantly, hoping it will comfort them
Trying to show affection in ways that feel natural to us
None of these are “wrong.”
They’re just… human.
But for a dog who is still figuring things out, those moments can add up.
The Shift That Changes Everything
Fostering got easier when I stopped asking: “How do I get this dog to trust me?”
And started asking: “What would make this feel easier for them?”
That question changes how you:
Enter a room
Approach a dog
Respond to hesitation
Build trust over time
And it tends to lead to the same outcome:
A dog that settles fasterFeels saferAnd shows more of their true personality
Why This Matters More Than It Seems
Because when a dog feels overwhelmed, they don’t become “difficult.”
They become… less visible.
More withdrawn
More uncertain
Less expressive
And those are the dogs people often overlook.
But when they feel safe?
They open up.
And that’s the version people connect with.
A Different Way to Think About It
Fostering isn’t just about providing a home.
It’s about creating an environment where a dog can transition from uncertainty… to trust.
And sometimes that doesn’t come from doing more.
It comes from small, intentional shifts in how we show up.
If You Want to Go a Little Deeper
If you’re fostering—or thinking about it—I walk through these patterns in a really practical way in my podcast, Dog Fostering 101.
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